


Frog-Gone it!

by TheBog, TyrantChimera



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Collab, Crack, Funny, Gen, Humour, Look man, Oneshot, don't lie, we all love the frog status
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28699524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBog/pseuds/TheBog, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyrantChimera/pseuds/TyrantChimera
Summary: In which listening to your peers is a really bad idea, especially when SOLDIERs and magic frogs are involved. Oneshot, cracky. Collab between The Bog and Tyrant Chimera, edited by TyrantChimera.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 72





	Frog-Gone it!

**Author's Note:**

> A work that never would have existed without a helluva fun conversation/spontaneous collab between the two of us. I feel bad for The Bog. My Insanity is apparently contagious. -TC

Cloud nearly groaned as he dodged an unfortunate flying Muu, the poor thing screeching in high pitched fury as it passed overhead and bounced off a fellow squad-mate's helmet . It was shaping up to be one of those days, and he already couldn't wait for it to be over. His squad-mate Darek, however, seemed to be having the time of his life. "Cmon Cloud! When's the next time we get to play monster dodgeball?!" he asked, grinning beneath his helmet, before he flung something that looked suspiciously like a miniature Marlboro. Cloud didn't even want to think about the havoc it could bring if it escape-nevermind. It just crawled into the overhead vent. Welp. Not his problem.

The blond rolled his eyes, "We were sent to stop the fighting, not add fuel to the fire."

The raven haired teen beside stuck his tongue out at him, proving that he possessed nowhere near the level of maturity expected of him as a Shinra trooper, "You're just afraid you'll get hit and it'll wreck your spikes!"

"I am not!"

"Then prove it," laughed Darek as he placed a large frog into Cloud's hand, "Throw the frog."

"But-"

"Throw the frog."

Cloud grumbled as he approached the makeshift 'fort' and took his place among the other 'snipers'. He decided to get it over with, maturity be damned, and just hurled the frog as far as he could... right as the nearly-holy SOLDIER trinity, paragons of the Shinra military, walked in. The frog soared right over its intended targets. Cloud, and the fellow troopers that he'd missed, could only watch in horror as the tragedy seemed to unfold in slow motion.

The frog smacked Commander Rhapsodos in the face. There was a puff of smoke. The whole room froze, waiting with baited breath to see what had become of one of the most beloved officers in all of the Shinra army. And oh, wasn't it a sight to see. Genesis was a frog. A little red frog with deep blue eyes. A little red frog with deep blue eyes who seemed to be screaming bloody murder in an utterly demonic frequency.

"Well," Darek said, placing a hand on Cloud's shoulder, "you're dead."

Cloud was utterly stunned, gulping in terror. He was dead, all right. There went his life, his ego, and his career, in one fell froggy swoop. He wasn't sure what was the worst out of all of it. His imminent ruination, or the red amphibian that continued to croak in a high pitched, enraged squeak that no one dared laugh at despite the fact that it sounded like someone sat on a helium balloon. Wait. Bad comparison. Shit. Shit! Cloud couldn't help it, snorting at the commander's plight. The only one who seemed to notice was Genesis, however, whose bright eyes promised blue bloody murder. The other two Firsts were distracted, however, because it seems like the first frog wasn't done with its shenanigans. Cloud didn't quite catch everything that happened. All he saw out of the corner was his eye was Sephiroth hopping with an unnerved grunt (and yes, it was as undignified as it sounded), and someone else swinging at something like a golf club. There was a splat, a blur of green, and a terrible, terrible feeling of dawning dread. The frog hit him in the face. He blinked. Genesis, at eye level, was still glaring at him.

After that, Cloud knew he wasn't just going to die. He was going to die in the next ten seconds. Genesis screeched and lunged. Cloud fled. The actual frog landed, dazed, as Cloud's not-so-helpful teammates laughed their asses off at his terrified squeak. Not one of them moved to help him, no doubt uncomprehending or uncaring of just how dead Cloud Strife was. The only one who did actually move to help him was Angeal, who was tentatively launching himself into the fray as Cloud fled around the room, Genesis leaping at his heels, "Genesis! Hold on, I'm sure there's a good explanation-!" 

Genesis croaked a war cry, intent on his target. Sephiroth was off stabbing the frog monster, stoically ignoring the chaos. Cloud jumped, Genesis chased, and Angeal kept trying to catch them without accidentally squishing them. It wasn't working. Cloud found himself backed into a corner, vicious victory in Genesis's beady blue eyes. All seemed dire. There was only one escape left. Cloud leaped.

"Wow," Derek mumbled, "that's actually kind of impressive."

Genesis squawked in the background as Cloud flung himself into the ducts several metres overhead. Cloud could admit, later, that he was actually kind of proud of his flying leap. But, that was for later. For now? Well. It looked like that marlboro was going to be his problem after all. 

Cloud ran, or rather, leaped as fast as he could through Shinra's air vents. A warbling shriek behind him told him all he needed to know about whether or not the Marlboro had spotted him, and judging by how close the sound was, it was definitely chasing him. Cloud fled of course. But no matter how fast he hopped or how quick he turned the corner, he couldn't seem to lose the Marlboro. Thankfully it seemed that Odin decided to finally smile upon him that day as he crashed into what seemed to be a black cat, and all three of them fell through a grate onto a desk. It took a moment for Cloud to register that the cat was speaking to him. It really was one of those days! "Laddie! Stop starin' and help me!"

What am I supposed to do? Glared Cloud. Thankfully it seemed the cat wasn't talking to him, as a man wearing a suit came out of seemingly nowhere and whacked the mini-monster with a broom, chasing it out of the room.

The man, Reeve Tuesti if the name plaque on the desk was to be believed, sighed at the cat, "I see you've made a few new friends." He seemed to stare at Cloud for a moment, "You're not going to try to turn me into a frog and eat me, are you?"

Cloud furiously shook his head, dreading the thought of being chased out to be alone with the Marlboro.

"Good." Reeve sat back down at his desk, determined to get some work done. As Cloud sat there, debating what to do next, he realized a few things. One. Reeve Tuesti was a fairly nice man. He didn't seem to mind that Cloud was sat there recovering from one of the more harrowing experiences in his life. Well, moderately harrowing, he supposed. The gods loved to throw him for a loop at any chance they got. Two. He was still a frog. An obvious observation, but still worth noting. Because it sucked. Three. This was awkward. Sitting on the desk, with some sort of talking cat smiling vacantly and trying to chat him up on one side, and the executive working away on the other, Cloud almost wished he had been shoved out with the marlboro. At least then he'd know what to do; namely, scream and run. He was pretty good at that, at least. Talking and figuring out what to do? Er, not so much. Especially since frogs couldn't talk.

"-I said, laddie, what happened?" The cat wasn't letting up. Cloud finally relented, giving the thing a confused glance and shrugging sadly as it blabbered on, because really, what else could he do?

Reeve sighed suddenly, startling him, "If you've been frogged, the medical staff ought to be able to help.”

Right, Medical. DUH. Cloud whimpered out a croak of thanks, and hopped on his merry way. Through the vents, of course. He wasn't risking that blasted marlboro again.

Cloud managed to jump and squelch his way all the way to the medical floor (and good lord, why were these vents so easy to navigate!? Major security risk, right alongside that emergency exit staircase that no one bothered to watch). The moment he got his little froggy behind there, however, his luck plummeted once more. Genesis was stood there, surveying the hallway, clearly on lookout for the dratted trooper that had caused him to be frogged. He was still pretty livid, judging by his eyes. Cloud decided that he could wait a day or two if he had to. Really. He might get some marks on his record for it, but that was better than dying. Right? Right. Genesis would have to give up and leave some time, right? He couldn't stand guard there forever.... Right?

As it turned out, Cloud was wrong. He could seemingly stand guard there forever. Who knew that Genesis would honestly go so far as to use vacation days to get revenge on some lowly trooper? Not Cloud, that's for sure. So the blond did the only thing he could to occupy himself.

Espionage.

Yes, he knew it was wrong. Yes, he knew he could have a Turk appear in his barracks one day to spirit him away. But boredom can make you do things you otherwise would never do, like silently encourage the office love triangle (hexigon?) on floor 53. And so, for the next little while, that's all Cloud did. Just... watch.

Thankfully, Shinra had gossip and drama enough to entertain for literal days.

Dude, just leave her. She's trash. You can do so much better than someone who belittles you all the time! Cloud sighed some time later, wondering if the spell would wear off soon. It was only supposed to last eight hours in the worst case scenario. He'd been a frog for four days. That had to be a record. The only joy he had at the moment was the knowledge that the Marlboro was still running around causing chaos of all sorts. No one seemed to be able to catch it and it seemed to be particularly fond of causing trouble for Commander Hewley and the science department in equal measure. Huh. Wonder what Hewley did to piss it off?

Cloud was broken out of his thoughts by the now familiar thumping of Cait Sith's footsteps as he drew closer, presenting a gift. "Heya Laddie! Thought you could use some grub." The little frog almost wept as he gazed at the burger and fries laid out before him. His stomach let out a large growl and he decided there and then that he would die for this cat if it came down to it. Cait seemed proud of itself as it watched Cloud's reaction, "No need to thank me-" whatever he was about to say was cut off when Cloud shot his tongue out at the burger, and swallowed it whole. "Shiva's tits!" the cat gawked.

Cloud had the good graces to look appalled at himself.

Day five came and went with little fuss or muss. Day six had the commander finally relent, but only a little. He now had a chair and was reading a book. Day six also had Cloud accidentally reuniting with the marlboro, but wonder of wonders, it seemed that it had decided that Cloud was either not worth its notice, or not worth the effort of chasing down. It ignored him. Seeing as it was currently making half the poor secretaries on floor 48 run out of the room gagging as it spat its Bad Breath attck through the vents, it was probably having too much fun doing something else anyways. Cloud just told it that there was going to be a board meeting on floor 60 in two hours, and let it be.

Day seven had Cloud seriously confused, though. It brought with it more fries and some burgers, albeit slider-sized this time, and a bemused Cait Sith telling him about how hilarious Reeve's last meeting had ended up. As Cait rambled on, Cloud flinched at the mention of paperwork. Because after one week, he couldn't help but wonder if he'd been given any discharge papers. Not that he could receive them, but still. It might be overdue time for him to face the music and get himself fixed up... although, maybe he would just check on his barracks first. Maybe they'd deliver his papers there first? Or something. It was reconnaissance, Cloud told himself. That could work.

Angeal Hewley, surveying the area, immediately put paid to that plan. Seeing as he was Genesis's close friend, Cloud wasn't going to dare risk it. Genesis was still in medical, so that left only one other option Cloud could think of when it came to reversing his condition. The science department.

Three hours and one narrow escape later, Cloud was seriously reconsidering his path in life. He'd nearly been fed to a critter by one scientist, and another had tried to grab him and turn him into an experiment. A kick in the face, a pair of glasses flung away with his tongue, and that attempt had thankfully failed. Cloud kind of really hated his life right now, and he really couldn't think of how it could possibly get any worse.

It was at that moment that the gods showed him the full force of their cruel humour.

As he hopped down a random hall to safety, he heard a secretary scream in fright when confronted with his innocent looking amphibian face. He did not expect her to kick him out an open window. Nor did he expect to land with a comically loud splat. Well, okay. He did kind of expect to land with a splat. He just didn't expect to be okay afterwards.

Cloud looked up at the window he had been yeeted from and then to the front doors of the building. He doubted they would just let him hop back in. What now? It wasn't like there was anywhere he could go. All the places he knew above plate were shops and restaurants (the thought of fancy restaurants serving frog legs made him shudder), and all the places below plate would require him to fight monsters as a frog just to get to them. He doubted Cait or his friends would know where to look for him either. He was too busy panicking to notice something was sneaking up on him until it was too late. Cloud turned around to come face to face with a large dog. Uh oh.

"Darkstar? Did you find something?"

A vaguely familiar voice asked. Is that? It was. Rufus freaking Shinra was staring down at him, his face impassive. Cloud debated on which way he should run as Rufus looked around. The alleyway is a dead end, but if I run down the street ill be a chew toy for sure!

Rufus smiled down at him pleasantly after making sure the coast was clear, "Are you lost little guy?"

...HUH?!

Rufus gingerly, yet swiftly, scooped Cloud up and shoved him into his coat sleeve before walking into the Shinra tower as if he owned the place. Well, he kinda did indirectly, but that wasn't the point. As they traveled via the elevator, up and up, and up some more, it occurred to Cloud that he had never seen a penthouse before. When they reached Rufus's abode, it was more luxurious than he ever could have imagined. Everything a bachelor could ever want in one ridiculously large home. Cloud was jealous, but who could blame him? What floored him, however, was when Rufus pressed a place in the wall a few times-almost as if in a pattern-and the wall opened up into a totally new room.

Oh, so even the Vice president had a soft spot, the frog thought to himself as he stared out at all the injured animals. "How about we get you something to eat? Maybe an enclosure? A tank ought to do."

A tank sounded doable for now, but something to eat, though? Could have been bugs. Cloud's not sure he could deal with that. He kept his buggy eyes out for any vents and croaked loudly, hoping that Cait might hear him. 

Cloud was sat down in a large fish tank with rocks and shrubbery, but most importantly water! He didn't realize how dried out he had become until he was moist again. He croaked, pleased. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard another croak behind him. The former human stared at his new roommate, who stared back blankly in return. O-kaaay. He then frowned when he was in fact, presented with bugs as a meal. He let the other frog, a normal enough one by all standards, take them all. He refused to reach that particular low.

"While it is generous of you to give Rupert your share, I would prefer if you would eat," Rufus spoke soothingly.

Cloud felt incredulous, You named a frog after your father?! Why?! His thought were set aside when he heard the doorbell ring, and the sweet sweet smell of Wutaian takeout wafted through the air. Rufus, as it turned out, liked to order large meals and save some for later. This was a major saving grace for Cloud, who was more than smart enough to wait for leftovers even as Rufus slowly ate his fill not far away. Even if he was a little hungry... 

At some ungodly hour in the morning, just as Cloud was carefully spooning himself out a portion of leftovers (not enough to be noticeable, hopefully), he heard a skittering in the walls. He quickly gobbled down the goods, just in time to watch a familiar furry figure drop scuttle into view. "Aye laddie, there you are! We were worried-!"

“GRRAAARFF ARRF ARF!”

"YIPE!!"

Darkstar was suddenly there, on the attack, intent on defending its homestead from the intruder. Rufus yelped in the other room, woken up suddenly. A chair crashed to the grown, loud yelling and yowling started, and all hell broke loose. Cloud only just had enough time to look over at Rufus, shock and confusion plastered on his face, before even more hell decided to raise itself out of nowhere. The mini-marlboro leaned out of a cabinet, squealing and waggling its head-tendrils happily in Cloud's direction (when did the thing suddenly begin liking him?!), and let loose a Bad Breath attack into the room.

Cloud could do little more than watch the chaos unfold. Cait Sith climbed a shelf, tail tucked and trembling, the marlboro smacked Darkstar, who let out a yelp and began chasing the new target. The little green thing just let her, cackling with glee as she constantly reeled from the foul smell it emitted. Rufus just stood there dazed. Cloud turned and put the food away neatly before hopping over to the marlboro, a haphazard idea forming out of nowhere as he let out a gurgle, Please just launch me.

As it turns out, the marlboro not only understood his intentions somehow, it was more than happy to comply, yeeting him full force into the vent.

"Oi! Wait for me!" He wasn't surprised when Cait landed in the vent next to him, "You didn't tell me there would be a dog!"

Well, this is Rufus Shinra's home. You should know better than to break in, Cloud croaked, knowing full well the cat couldn't understand him.

"Well, in any case we should find somewhere safe to go. Preferably one without dogs." Cloud couldn't agree more, croaking and leading the way to his favourite set of vents a few floors down. He did make sure to memorize the path though. Rufus deserved a nice thank-you note, if nothing else.

A few more days passed in relative peace. However, after some time, Cait came to him with a question. "So.... is there any reason you haven't gone to medical yet?"

Cloud blinked, sitting up from where he'd been resting on a purloined pillow. He hummed and hawwed a little, then led Cait to the medical wing, pointing to where Genesis was, startlingly enough, still keeping watch.

"You're afraid of Genesis?" Cait asked. Cloud nodded. The cat hummed and scratched its chin, "What happened to make you afraid of him? Rumor is that he started sitting down there because he was looking for someone, but when that person never came back and was presumed dead, he ended up staying there because he felt bad about it or something. Something about getting eaten by a marlboro after-wait," Cait blinked at Cloud, shocked.,"you wouldn't happen to be-?!"

Cloud let out the closest froggy approximation to a whine, which was rather gurgle-y, and sighed. Marlie, the marlboro (whom he had recently named in his mind, because at this point it was infamous enough to deserve a proper moniker), took this opportunity to appear out of nowhere once again. It squiggled its limbs at Cloud and began looking around. Cloud just signalled the number "43", which was a floor where he knew another meeting was going to take place, and the thing happily went on it's way.

Cait just watched it leave. "....so THAT'S how it keeps crashing ninety percent of the meetings in the Shinra building..." Cloud nodded. He liked Marlie. It was actually pretty nice... well, when it wasn't terrorizing executives at least. Cait went back to the subject of their original conversation, pointing at Genesis, "C'mon then! I'll explain everything to him and it'll-"

Cloud didn't let him finish. He ran. The frogged teenager hopped as far as his little legs would take him. No way he was going to face Genesis's wrath. He'll be cooked alive! The whole feeling bad thing wasn't at all like the Genesis he knew. The Genesis he knew would throw actual fireballs at innocent cadets and troopers-himself included-all for his own entertainment. Nah, he didn't buy Cait's story one bit. So he hopped and hopped until he could hop no more. He finally flopped down above what he recognized as one of the store rooms, his body plonking against the metal ductwork he hid in.

"Who's there?!" A woman's voice demanded.

Cloud froze. She could have possibly heard him could she? After a few moments of tense silence, a different man's voice responded, "Elfe, it's just me." 

Cloud tried not to ribbit with relief. Instead, he (quietly) crawled over to the vent grill, peering down as best as he could through it and into the poorly lit storeroom. From where he was, Cloud could hear voices, but the actual shapes of the people below were vague. The ones having this conversation muttered low, furtively avoiding anything that might bring attention to them. So, of course, that just attracted Cloud's attention even further. He could hear a conversation, but not the exact words. Probably this "Elfe" and whoever else were talking had gotten together to whisper. Cloud was way too curious for his own good, and decided to try and get closer.

He didn't realize, partway through repositioning himself to a better vent, that they had gone silent. Not until there was a sudden shriek of metal and he found himself plummeting with a froggy cry of surprise. After banging into the ground and being stunned for a moment, he looked up with a croak to find a woman with a sword blinking down at him. He croaked again.

"Now what's this?" 

Shears, the man he'd heard before, pinched the bridge of his nose. "Elfe. That's a frog."

"I know that!" Elfe hissed, "What's it doing here?"

The man gave her one of the driest looks Cloud had ever seen, "It's a giant building the the middle of the city. Just be grateful it wasn't a rat."

Elfe repressed a shutter, "I would prefer a rat. Less slimy." Cloud croaked, annoyed. Could she be any more rude? He turned to leave.

Before he could get far however, Shears picked him up. "Aren't you a little cutie?"

"Seriously? We're on a mission, not shopping around for new pets." Cloud croaked again, affronted by the thought of being someone's pet (again. Damnit Rufus...). He had some pride damn it. A long suffering sigh came from the girl, "Alright fine. We already got what we came here for. Let's go."

Shears hugged the large green frog to his chest as they filed into a set of thin, twisted hallways, into a secret maintenance shaft that the frog didn't know about, and exited in what looked to be the underside of a plate. What. "Come on. We need to make it to the station before the last train leaves!" Cloud could do nothing but croak miserably as he was jostled around in the burly man's arms. He tried to escape, he really did. But after a few slaps in the face or arms with a webbed hand, Shears smartened up, shoving him in a pack and zipping it up tight. "Oh, you're a fighter, eh? That's how you do it, little guy!" Cloud cursed his luck, the amount of secret passageways in the Shinra building, and his luck again for good measure. The past few weeks had been hell on wheels, and heavens forbid he ever get a break. There wasn't even a knife in the bag to cut his way out. At some point Cloud felt his prison get placed roughly on a hard, flat surface after being jostled about, then heard 'Shears' give someone hell for not being gentle. He heard a zip, and a hand slipped into the opening. Reacting on pure fury and instinct, he bit down. "Ouch! Aw yeah, that's the spirit!" Shears grinned, slipping in another hand to trap Cloud in his grasp.

Cloud croaked and wriggled, trying to slime up Shears' hands enough to escape, but he wasn't having much luck. A snort to their side caught Cloud's attention, "I will never understand your taste in animals."

"I rescued him from Shinra, bug off!" Shears griped as more and more members of the terrorist group appeared.

Cloud was in big trouble, and he knew it. The first thing he really noticed were the guns. How come the terrorists had better guns than the Shinra infantry? It just wasn't fair, and if anyone noticed he was pouting? Well, he deserved it for having to live through these past few weeks.

Cloud all but scowled as he was placed in another tank. Thankfully this one was empty save for the rocks and water. "I'm going to take good care of you little guy." Shears gave him a big smile before closing the lid of the tank. It was then Cloud that realized... he was trapped.

“Isn't he a cutie? Used to have one that looked just like 'em," one grunt said as he squinted through his helmet into the enclosure.

"Really?" Another asked

"Yeah. Turned out to be a human under a frog spell though."

Cloud froze. This was it. He was sure of it. They would realize he was human and then they would either kill him or forcibly convert him. Would they torture him? Would his mother receive his meager belongings from Shinra?

"It sucked," the man continued, not noticing the amphibians inner strife, "but they did promise not to tell anyone what I said to him."

"I wonder if it eat bugs? I mean, it did live in the air vents for the Shinra building right? Or maybe it got used to living off of trash and scraps?"

"There's no way! It's a frog Marco, not a raccoon."

Marco rolled his eyes, "It lives in Midgar. Mako can fuck anything up!"

Cloud began testing the lid as the two grunts bickered. Holy gods sitting on a stick, he had to get out. Like. YESTERDAY. Shears was currently distracted with arguing with another of the grunts, each of them debating what they thought Cloud should be fed, and Cloud was, for once, extremely happy that this spell was apparently not wearing off. Although, now that he thought of that, he's probably just jinxed it. The gods do love watching him suffer.

The lid defeats him for now. But there's a latch he can open, with a little effort and a strong object. Now if only the terrorists would stop watching for a minute or two. Or, you know. A few hours. That would be nice. Cloud bides his time, waiting. As he waits, and watches, and steadfastly refuses to eat the worm they drop in his tank, he spots something truly glorious.

Stolen medical supplies.

And, more importantly, a small box labeled "Maiden's Kiss" Hot diggety. This might just work out after all. After about ten minutes or so the grunts retrieve the worm and drop in a few fries instead, which he wasted no time in consuming. They were careful though; after his first escape attempt they weren't lifting the lid open any more than necessary in order to feed him. Cloud would have snapped his fingers if he had any. Think Cloud! What would your hero, Sephiroth, do? (A small voice in his head laughed at him and said, “Not get frogged in the first place, probably,” but Cloud staunchly ignored that voice.) He spotted a small rock with a decently jagged edge near in the watery area of the enclosure. I could probably use this to break the glass! He looked up at the men who were still chatting in front of his cage and...did they just call him a 'Trash panda'? How dare they!

Cloud carefully shuffled around the tank, grabbing the sharp rock and shoving it into the drier area. If anyone watched, he would start shoving things at random. And because that's just what happened, that's what he ended up having to do... even if it had one of them cooing about interior decorating. Ugh. The things he tolerated. The maiden's kisses he tracked almost religiously, watching them as they were moved and placed around the sordid warehouse they were in, making sure he knew exactly where they were when it was time to escape.

That time came in the middle of the night, when everyone (even the lone, lazing guard) in the room had gone to sleep. Cloud made his move. He struck at the lid, accidentally wedging the rock under it instead of breaking through the glass. But, this worked out in his favour, and he was able to use it to lever the lid open enough to escape. The guard was out for the count, actually snoring as they were leaned upright against the wall. Cloud was a little jealous that the man could do that.

The first part of the escape went well. No one was really keeping their eyes out for a frog after all. He was able to steal a few maidens kisses, and even a scalpel for self defense. But he didn't use a kiss quite yet, instead keeping his small size and using it to full advantage to escape. He plopped outside of the building, hopped a block down the street, and croaked in victory. He was out! And more importantly...

Cloud used a Maiden's Kiss.

That's where it all went wrong. He was stretching out his finally-human-again body, secure in the alley, when he soon realized that the alley wasn't secure at all.

"Hey you!"

Cloud looked over, saw an Avalanche member pointing a gun at him, and bolted. The guard yelled for backup and gave chase. Cloud stumbled and dashed as far as he could, but he was quickly running out of steam. The sounds of pursuit increased behind him, although the moment he thought he heard Elfe's shout in the mix, he knew he was screwed. He continued to flee anyways as the area became more and more familiar. He was in Sector Eight, a place he'd patrolled often enough. Maybe if he made it to LOVELESS Avenue, they'd have to break off their pursuit-!

He rounded a corner, running full tilt. Right into Genesis.

The man managed to keep to his feet, Cloud bouncing off painfully. The redhead looked up, about to offer a scathing retort, but Cloud gathered himself first. He bolted back the way he came, suddenly a lot more willing to try his luck with Avalanche. 

It took Genesis a few moments to process that this was the missing blond he thought he'd gotten killed. The very same on he'd seen an memorized from the KIA reports Angeal had tossed at him. Did the kid really fake his death to get away from him? The thought made him pause and reflect upon his life choices, even as he watched the brat run away in utter panic. He couldn't be that bad, could he?

Genesis snapped out of his reverie at the sound of gunshots, "Shit!"

He ran into the alley the boy had run back into, only to be met with a gruesome sight. The blond laid passed out on the floor, bloody and bullet ridden. Oh no. The kid was going to die because of him, if he wasn't already dead! He'd already dealt with this guilt once, he wasn't going to suffer it again! Genesis didn't think twice before blasting the nearest AVALANCHE grunt with a Firaga, sending him flying through the ally and into his compatriots. The redhead slid down next to the kid as the rest of the armed attackers retreated upon the new foe's arrival, checking for a pulse. He sent a prayer of gratitude to Phoenix before spamming Curagas and Esunas onto the kid who seemed just too stubborn to die. "I don't think I've ever met a brat more troublesome than you," he cooed, a little endeared despite himself thanks to the fluffy blonde hair.

Genesis's heart leaped into his throat with relief when the youth began to move about. The redhead gave the alley one last look before picking the blonde up and running back to Shinra tower. There were a few times where Cloud (he'd read the missing person files thoroughly) would shuffle and open his eyes a bit, grimace or blink, and go back to sleeping. Considering the blood loss, Genesis couldn't blame him. He could, however, drop him off in the emergency ward and then go figure out why the hell this kid had taken so long to finally show up. He marched away from Medical, intent on finding answers.

Some time later, Cloud woke up to yelping and hissing.

He looked over, tired and sore, and noticed a few things. The first of these things was that he was in a bed. Huh. Hadn't he just been in an alley? The next, that there was a nurse reaching for a nearby cane and staring at the mini marlboro with determination despite herself. Finally, that said mini marlboro was currently snuggled into his side and growling at the person daring to get near its human.

"Mmph. Hi Marlie," Cloud mumbled. The blonde reached over lamely, giving the thing a pat on its head. It turned and gave him something of a chirp, rather an impressive vocalization since Cloud wasn't even sure it had a proper throat to make such a noise.

The nurse's face went blank. "...Is that your pet?"

"Something like that? I dunno," Cloud replied lamely.

Marlie twisted its vine and burrowed halfway under Cloud's neck as he flopped back down, tired and sleepy. The nurse stared. Then shrugged. "Eh. Guess I've seen worse," she muttered, relieved, "as long as it's not hurting you, we're good."

Cloud huffed. Then went back to sleep. What a weird dream.

Elsewhere, Genesis walked out of the elevator, bloody and smelling of smoke. People fled at the sight of him, and with the mood he was in, he was grateful. The boy had been abducted by terrorists! How bad was this kid's luck anyway? Well, now that the nest had been cleared out, (the leaders got away though...) those savages wouldn't be able to hurt the kid anymore. He'd make sure of it!

Speaking of the kid. The redhead popped into Medical to check up on him. He froze when he saw the Marlboro, but relaxed when he realized it was sleeping curled up next to the kid's- Cloud's, he corrected- head, as tame as tame could be.

Wait. The kid tamed a Marlboro... as a FROG?!?!

Genesis gave a wicked grin, convinced of the impromptu decision he'd made earlier that day, but also startling the nurse. As she saw him she seemed to inflate and place herself defensively next to her patient, her eyes glaring balefully at the papers Genesis held in his hand, "Sir! You can't court-martial him while he's still recovering!"

"Court-martial? My dear, who said anything about a court-martial?" The nurse seemed to mentally stumble, and began feeling even worse for the poor boy upon noticing the gleam in the redhead's eyes, "I was just thinking about how my new student is going to grind Angeal's into the dust!" Genesis whirled around and out the door, his red coat fluttering behind him. He then spent the next two hours, bragging about how his student uncovered a terrorist cell, outed them, AND tamed a Marlboro, all while stuck as a frog. Cloud, of course, did not find out about this information until far, far too late. Cait Sith was good for many things. Telling him things, mainly. The cat popped out of a vent some five or so minutes after Cloud next woke and gave him the news. This is when the blonde was forced to notice several things yet again. 

One. Him disappearing had, in fact, somehow led to a slight attitude change in the redhead. But only slight. Sure, sitting by the med bay for about a month, he had come to realize just how many young people were being hurt by Shinra. But that still hadn't been enough to curb Genesis's penchant for burning things and causing immense amounts of collateral damage.

Two. Said collateral damage was calamitous if it involved paperwork... Including some sort of military punishment that had been headed his way the moment someone in some-department-or-other had realized that Cloud had not, in fact, been dead for a month. Just MIA. Genesis, plus paperwork, equaled terrifying. Cloud was actually a bit relieved about this point, to put it mildly.

Three. The only thing more terrifying than Genesis with paperwork was, as it turned out, Angeal. About an hour ago Angeal had come across something in Cloud's very-recently accessed files (because Genesis had dragged him into all this, as you do,) that involved some sort of conspiracy he'd come across about missing medical patients, Shinra employees 'disappearing', and unethical experiments. 

Three-point-five? Perhaps the most morbid realization of them all?

You do not put "Angeal" and "unethical" in the same room.

Bad things were happening (a few of which Cloud could even hear from his bed, and wasn't that fact alone a terrifying thought). Cait told him not to worry, that it was being handled. Cloud worried anyways.

Four. Somewhere in the rabid mess of Genesis and paperwork, Angeal and paperwork, and things going up in literal and figurative flames, Cloud was now apprenticed to Genesis. He was going to be a SOLDIER. If, of course, he could survive his mentor. Cloud prayed for mercy from the gods that hated him anyways, and gave Cait Sith a look that said it all. Cait Sith just shrugged. And Cloud knew his life was going to only get more manic than ever before.


End file.
